Having season hockey tickets for the Winter Hawks, I parked my car at the local MAX stop to ride in to the Rose Garden Arena for the Friday night game. This is not an unusual procedure.

This time it was different, though.

I got back to my car after the game and drove it home. No problem, right? Well, when I went to drive out to a friend’s place the next morning, I noticed that some punk bitch decided to key my car.

There is now a big line from the upper passenger-side of the hood diagonal down to the headlight on the driver’s side. It’s a two-part line; you can see where the asshole’s arm wasn’t long enough to do it in one swipe, so he/she adjusted position and continued keying. It’s probably a good three feet long.

I feel sort of like John Travolta (“Vincent”) in Pulp Fiction, where he’s talking to Eric Stoltz (“Lance”) while buying heroin. He has his car in storage for three years, then it’s out five days and someone keys it.

VINCENT: I just wish I caught ‘em doin’ it, ya know? Oh man, I’d give anything to catch ‘em doin’ it. It’a been worth his doin’ it, if I coulda just caught ‘em, you know what I mean?

LANCE: It’s chicken shit. You don’t fuck with another man’s vehicle.

Even more than having the asshole key my car, what bothered me was that I was going to have to go through the insurance company hassle. I’ve been through this before, where you have to schedule time to take the car to a claims office, have them take pictures, fill out the paperwork, etc., then do the same stupid thing at the auto body shop, then wait for the check to arrive, etc. What a pain.

But it wasn’t like that this time. Since the last time I had a claim, I’ve switched car insurance from Nationwide to Progressive. It was so much easier to deal with things through them! I filed the claim at noon on Sunday. 45 minutes later, I was talking to a claims adjuster. 60 minutes after that, there was a guy at my house taking the pictures, doing the estimate, etc. Had I not just renewed my policy (every six months, right?), he’d have cut me a check on the spot. Too bad for me; I will get a check in the mail in a couple of days. Shucks. And I was looking forward to the annoying hassle of insurance companies. Not. I totally recommend these Progressive folks. Check ‘em out. Not only did they save me money, the customer service, so far as I can tell, is the bomb.

So, anyway, that should [hopefully] be fixed by the end of the week. Pending on how soon the check gets here, that is. I’ll call the auto body shop and find out when they’ve got an opening.