During my commute this morning I was graced with the presence of yet another driver who doesn’t know how to merge. It seems that some folks just don’t get it. It’s real simple, folks. It breaks down like this:

If you’re merging, adjust to the traffic around you. Don’t just expect traffic to stop and let you in because you’re a moron.

There is a tiny corrollary that goes along with this:

If you think you’re going to miss your exit because you waited too long to merge, that’s your tough cookies. Go to the next exit and turn around. Dumbass.

Let’s put that in pictures for the people in the cheap seats.

This is actually what happened to me today. This punk bitch decides that, rather than just easing in behind me where there’s plenty of space, she will just cruise on up and jump in because - hey - who wants to wait in line like the rest of the crowd? She was obviously someone very important, too. I know this because she thought it beneath her to even signal that she wanted in my lane; she started easing over, then started signalling. Courtesy for us proletariat folk.

Needless to say, she did not get into my lane. She nearly took off my passenger side mirror before she figured out that I wasn’t going to cave in. I gave her a liberal dose of the horn and continued on my merry way. Surprisingly, she did not try to speed up and give me the finger.

I think if I ever get laid off, I’ll sign up to become a traffic cop. I swear they’d never have to raise taxes again. I’d be the hardest-assed traffic cop this side of the mighty Mississip’, I kid you not.