I’ve decided that I’m partially hypoglycemic.

Now, I had a physical a bit ago and the blood work on it came back fine (yay, me!), and it didn’t say anything about that, yadda, yadda, yadda. But it boils down like this:

If I eat low-sugar foods, I can survive, but you bet your ass I’m gonna be grouchy. If I eat a reasonable amount of sugar periodically (like one of those bite-sized candy bars every four hours or so, something small but with a jolt in it), I’ll be much happier about things.

It could also mean that I need to figure out how to eat right, but… nah. Hypoglycemia is the answer. Besides, my mom said that my dad is legitimately a little hypoglycemic, and that’s hereditary, isn’t it?

At the hockey game yesterday, I had a particularly lucid moment where I thought of various rules that either don’t exist or should be changed to make hockey more exciting. This moment was brought about by the fact that we got our asses handed to us and I was more than irritated at that, but the ideas exist nonetheless.

First, nowhere in the rulebook, at least, nowhere I can find, does it say you can’t play with two sticks. I think each player should be entitled to two sticks: one to carry the puck with and one to beat off the opposing team.

Second, there are rules against kicking other players. Those need to go.

Third, the goalies should have electronic collars (like the dogs they are) that give them a little zap if they wander too far away from the crease. At least, our goalie should. That guy needs to stay in the fucking net.

Fourth, if a goalie is a dumbass and lets a goal go that was so stupid that a spectator could have climbed the glass, ran out onto the ice, and stopped in plenty of time, then every member of the audience who was outraged by that goal should be entitled to punch that goalie once after the game.

Spearing should be legal.

It’s not a rule (that I can find), but it pretty much seems that the officials won’t get in the middle of a fight until one player hits the ice. They need to stick to that; don’t break it up before it even starts, I mean, that’s why I’m there.

I think those changes should be made immediately. They would greatly enhance the game… at least for me, having season tickets to a losing streak.