VS.

I got a comment from a friend of mine about how Punchy creeps her out, and it made me think that it might be time to have a showdown: Kool-Aid Man vs. Punchy.

Once and for all, it’s time to decide who’s got the better juice.

PRO

Kool-Aid Man

Punchy

• Has multiple flavors of juice
• Juice packets are inexpensive
• Can break though walls, doors, etc.
• Catch phrase: “Oh Yeah!”
• High percentage of name / face recognition

• Can help you dye your hair / clothes / housepets

• Keen hat
• Knows how to surf
• Juice comes premade
• Juice is good mixer with rum
• Juice doesn’t separate
• Catchy name: “Punchy”
• Best red juice on the market
• Juice sometimes in 7-11 Big Gulp dispenser

CON

Kool-Aid Man

Punchy

• Too fat to ride in car
• Spills liquid everywhere he goes
• Always sweating
• Liar - holds real fruit in his hand when he should be holding powder packets
• High level of personal property destruction in his wake
• Juice requires “mixing” and separates if you leave it sitting too long

• Stupid, generic name: “Kool-Aid Man”

• Low level of name / face recognition
• Only one flavor of juice (the best flavor, though)
• Short - only other job he could do would be work on Fantasy Island looking for De Plane
• Juice only comes in 64 oz. containers; should come in 5 gallon buckets
• No catch phrase (“Wouldn’t you like a Hawaiian Punch?” doesn’t count)

You would think that looks pretty even, but if you closely analyze the pros and cons, you’ll see that THE WINNER IS PUNCHY. With his never-beaten red juice, keen hat, and Big Gulp opportunities, it’s not hard to see why. Maybe next time, Kool-Aid Man.