We have an extra special Traffic Asshole this week. Even more special because it wasn’t even me involved. (Which means you’ll have to forgive details, since I’m sort of filling in the blanks. Also, this is by no means any legal account of what happened, it’s just what I heard, so if you’re with the insurance company, this ain’t for you.)

Jenn was on her way home yesterday from work and was going to stop at the store to return some bottles. Six blocks from the store, she’s stopped at a light. Behind her, a bus. About a half car length in front of her, a lady in a Buick.

Sitting at a light. Getting ready to go.

Out of nowhere, the Buick lady throws it into reverse and steps on the gas. Jenn, stunned, starts honking madly.

Still honking, Jenn gets… uh… front-ended(?). The lady gets out of the car and asks probably the two stupidest questions I’ve ever heard a human ask. Again, I wasn’t there, and Jenn answered probably a little more diplomatically than I would, but let’s re-enact the conversation, substituting me in for Jenn.

Stupid Lady: I didn’t see you! Where were you? Me: Behind you, you fucking tard! Where else would I be if you were backing up and hit me? In front of you? Stupid Lady: How come you didn’t honk? Me: How come you were fucking backing up? We’re on a major road in rush hour, here! Where the hell did you think you were going? And why didn’t I honk? Are you deaf? My arm’s still sticking through the window of my car with the horn on full right now. Maybe I should get the cops to come check this out, not only for my insurance, but so they can shoot you.

The killer thing is, it hasn’t ended here. Jenn got the lady’s name, license plate number, and insurance info and came home. Jenn called the lady’s insurance company, and there’s no policy for the lady. Jenn got bogus insurance information! What is the world coming to? My insurance is sky high and she’s driving around handing out bad info?

Bah.

Let’s go to tape:

Here’s a bit of a side view. You can see the worst of it - the license plate and frame are now embedded in the bumper and there’s quite a gouge out of the bumper just to the side of the plate.

Here’s a better look at that gouge.

And a top view of the plate so you can see how messed up it is. Jenn hasn’t even had her first oil change in that car - the plate used to be brand new.

Jenn has since left a message with the lady (we actually did get her real phone number) and is asking for revised insurance info. Otherwise, Jenn’s going to have to file an uninsured motorist claim… and that’s no good at all.