It’s been a little while (hey, I’ve been busy!) so I figured I’d start this fine day out with a Traffic Asshole.

Today’s is less a “Traffic Asshole” than a “Parking Asshole.” This right here is why I hate people who own large trucks:

Here are a couple of pointers for those of you who somehow feel the need to buy gigantic trucks even though you don’t go off road and you don’t haul anything:

Don’t park in compact spaces. See the label on the space that says “COMPACT?” Your truck doesn’t qualify. Don’t try it, it’s not going to fit. Even if you squint, it’s not coming close. Go park in the larger spots. It will probably be less convenient, but that’s the price you pay for wasting our natural resources.

Parking on the line doesn’t mean you’re in the spot. If your tire’s riding the line, especially if it’s all the way on the line, you’re not in the spot. You need to be between the lines. Pretend those lines are walls. You can’t park in the wall, can you? Of course not. Don’t park in the line, either.

It’s okay to try again. If you get out of your behemoth and you see you’re not quite in the space, nobody cares if you get back in and correct yourself. In fact, I’d wager people would openly encourage you to resolve the situation. Back ‘er up and try again. There’s no shame in it.

If you follow these handy parking tips, I think the world in general would be a better place. Wars would cease and famine would end. I bet they’d find a cure for the common cold and cancer. All you have to do is try. For all our sakes, please try.