Last night, due to the graces of On Demand video, Jenn and I watched The Master of Disguise.

Hoooo boy.

How do movies like this get made? I mean, who reads a script like that and says, “Hey, this will be great on film! Let’s do it!” I understand that there’s a market for children’s films, but even kids are going to wonder what the makers of this pile of shit were smoking.

I think I laughed like four times. Mostly it was at the quips the grandfather character used to tell Dana Carvey to shut up. Stuff like “curb your yammering skullcave,” which I will now attempt to work into daily conversation somehow. It cracked me up because it was so out of nowhere… but those were about the only things that were any good. (Do you remember when Dana Carvey was actually funny? I do. I miss those days.)

That’s an hour and a half of my life I will never reclaim. (And I’m not the only one who thinks so.) I am actually dumber for having watched that. I award myself no points, and may God have mercy on my soul.