There have been a lot of overly excited people in the Portland, Oregon area because it’s getting cold enough to get some snow.

I hate snow.

“Why,” you might ask, “would you hate such a wonderful cold-weather miracle as the beautiful new-fallen snow?”

First, I’m not an outdoor person. I don’t like being cold. I don’t like being wet. Snow is both. No fun.

Second, I’m not in grade school anymore. Snow does not somehow mean I get the day off. Even if it’s so snowy and icy that my garage door is frozen shut and I can’t possibly make it in to the office, I get to work at home (or I can take unpaid leave - thank you, no - or call in sick and waste a PTO day - again, no thanks). So snow doesn’t mean “get out of work free.”

Beyond that, though, the problem I have with snow is the driving. I, personally, have no issue driving in snow. I haven’t had to do it much, admittedly, but when there’s snow to drive in, I haven’t had much problem. My car doesn’t swerve out of control or slide across three lanes of traffic. The problem with the driving is the other drivers. This is Oregon, right? Rainy country? People in Oregon, surprisingly, have no idea how to drive in the rain. “Holy crap, it’s raining, slam on the brakes!” If they can’t drive in the rain, what do you think snow does?

Common sense goes out the window. The idea that you can’t stop while going uphill because you’ll never get started again doesn’t occur to half the people. The other half drive as though it’s perfectly dry conditions, going 70mph in the 55mph zone, and then wonder why they don’t come out of the turn in the same lane they started the turn in. There’s no concept of moderation while driving - there are only two speeds: fast and stop. No “taking it easy” because “taking it easy” ends up equating with “stop.”

Oh, and don’t get me started on the people with studded tires. Unless you live in a waaaay rural area, you don’t need studs, folks. Seriously. I’ve never owned a pair of studded tires in Oregon and have never needed to. Driving around with studs on when it’s a perfectly dry day or only rain (and that’s all that’s in the forecast)? Well, thanks to those folks for chewing up the road and unnecessarily wasting my tax dollars on road repair. Oh, and special thanks to the ones who drop studs from the tires because of the dry road conditions and later have those studs thrown up to ding my car or crack my windshield. I totally appreciate it.

Anyway, point being, snow = bad. You may now return to your regularly scheduled program.