Why can’t Hollywood make movies that look cool and have a good plot?

Went to see UltraViolet this weekend because I couldn’t stay away from the cool factor. Plus, being a Milla fan, I had to see her in this super-techno-fied world that the previews had pimped so well.

Dammit!

The visuals were beautiful. Stunning, really. Graphically, it’s everything I hoped it would be. Gorgeous effects. Awesome fight scenes. It reminded me of the first time I saw the effects for the first Matrix movie - it was just cool. (Yeah, it was overly CG. Some folks might not be into that and bitch that it’s “not real enough.” I dig CG effects and ate it up.)

That said, what happened to the plot? I mean, seriously, where was the QA department on this thing? Did they actually have test screenings?

The idea is that, sometime in the indefinite future, this virus got out and basically created vampires (“hemophages” in the movie). The government worked to wipe them out rather than looking for a cure. Sounds good, right? Then they introduce this kid who is… uh… some sort of weapon or something (supposedly) and we get caught up in Milla trying to save the kid and fight the government simultaneously, all the while looking for a cure for the hemophage virus… I won’t spoil the mediocre plot twist.

The point is, all this is happening in 88 minutes, so it’s moving altogether too fast. Fast enough that I really didn’t get a chance to care about why this person was shooting this other person. Fast enough that I had no idea who this rival gang was or why I should be afraid of them, and definitely fast enough that there was no import when they got wiped out by a single person.

Interesting premise, but it reminded me a lot of Underworld

• great principle, cool world, horrendous execution. We left confused and feeling like we got ripped off. Except for the “Milla Factor” (she was hot - the whole time, Milla was just hot), I want my money back.

Skip this one, folks, lest you feel duped out of your $7.50. Instead, go buy a copy of Equilibrium and soak up what UltraViolet could have been.