We haven’t done a Traffic Asshole of the Week for a while, so let’s give you two in one shot.

The setup: Once a year in my neighborhood they advertise in the paper for a development-wide garage sale. Everyone with something to sell can pop their garage doors open and hawk their wares. This causes a parking nightmare as everyone in the neighboring states floods into my development to buy up junk.

The photo: Taken through my front window blinds. Let’s study this one:

There are two (2) assholes in this one.

The first one is the blue minivan clearly parked right in front of my driveway. That’s parked - not “we let someone off and kept the engine running,” but fully “we shut off the engine and don’t plan on moving while people with us are walking up and down the block.” (These folks watched me stare them down through my front window and ignored me… until they saw me pull the camera out, then decided maybe parking illegally in front of my driveway wasn’t the greatest idea and pulled out.)

The second asshole is the green SUV across the street. Two issues with this guy. First, he’s parked facing the wrong way (at least in Oregon, you must park in the direction cars travel; this is a two-way street, so he’s parked facing the wrong way). Second, he’s facing the wrong way whilst (and at the same time) being parked on a block marked “No Parking.”

Sometimes, you have to wish you drove a tow truck.