It’s been a while since my last traffic-related posting, mostly because my commute in recent years has been pretty short so I don’t have those “Traffic Asshole of the Week” moments to post. Today, though, I found THIS guy:

This giant GMC truck made my traffic day. If you, too, want to make my day in the same way, here’s how:

1. While I’m going a full 45mph, wait until I’m a little less than half a block away and then do a left-hand turn out of a side street and cut me off.
2. Once you’ve cut me off, make sure and go somewhere around 20mph in a 45mph speed zone. Be sure this is in a no-passing area, too, so there’s no way I can get around you.
3. Do not put on your emergency flashers to indicate you’re going slow on purpose. Make sure that, by all appearances, you’re really just not paying any attention at all to the whole “driving experience.”
4. Stop for every green light. Seriously. Stop for anything that says “go.”
5. Every time I signal to change lanes, to get around you, go ahead and, without signaling, change lanes in front of me into the lane I was going for.

After I finally got around him (where there were finally two lanes), I looked in my rear view mirror and saw cars passing him in one lane like he was standing still… and somewhere over 10 or 15 cars piled up behind him, waiting for a chance to jam into the next lane and get around.

Dude, you are the single-handed reason for traffic. Pull over to the side of the road, take the keys out of the ignition, and throw them as hard as you can into the scrub. Walk home. You are fired as a driver.