There are three kinds of perfume in the world: hot and sexy; mild and demure; and overwhelmingly terrible.

Jenn wears a perfume that is classified by me in the “hot and sexy” category. Some folks might consider it “mild and demure.” Grandmothers unfailingly pick the “overwhelmingly terrible” category. Salespeople usually do, too. (Note that in perfume, “more” is not always “better.”)

My cubicle sits adjacent to the local meeting area. We don’t have a conference room in our general location, it’s more of an open air affair

• a table with a bunch of chairs. Convenient when I have a meeting to attend; decidedly inconvenient when I’m trying to work and there’s a meeting going on.

There’s a meeting going on right now, I don’t know who with, but there’s a lady over there with perfume on in the overwhelmingly terrible category. I don’t know what it is, but it’s giving me a migraine. I actually think I may complain to the boss over this one.

Once he gets out of that meeting, that is.

Okay, so everyone knows about owl pellets, right? Owls can’t digest all the stuff from their prey (bones, hair, etc.) and since they eat their prey whole, that stuff has to go somewhere - enter owl pellets.

So I thought about this - what if there were people pellets? Take that a step further, what if people excreted/coughed-up/disgorged pellets rather than pooping? Think about how much easier that is. You’d still probably have to use the restroom for liquid waste, but for solid waste, you could just chuck your pellet into the trash can.

I suppose there’d be two possibilities for the pellet - either it gets coughed up (like owls) or it comes out the other end. If you cough it up, just spit it out… but if you poop it out, you’d have to “go digging” to get it, then throw it out. Either way, assuming the pellets are clean (like owl pellets), loads of sanitary issues would be solved. Gotta take a dump? Do it. Then just throw your pellet out.

There’d be pellet disposal containers in bathrooms. Under desks. In your living room. Built into your favorite easy chair.

I told Jenn about this, and she was like, “Wouldn’t people be disgusted by other peoples’ pellets?” I don’t think so. You have to consider, if there were such thing as people pellets, that’s how it always would have been. People wouldn’t know any better - that’d be just how it is.

I think that’d be kind of cool. No more messy wiping. No more stinky bathroom. Pellet. Done.

I added a new feature to the ol’ bloggeroo, here. If you look off to the left in the navigation column, I’ve put two more links: “Reviews” and “What If?”

The Reviews link will (should) get you to my reviews of movies and such. The What If? link should get you to my more random “What if the world was like…” style articles. Like my People Pellets article.

I’m hoping to make both of those sorts of items more frequently, so I’ve added faster access to them.

The crappy thing is, Greymatter doesn’t support categories. Yeah, I should probably shut up because it’s free and all, and I don’t have access to a database, so I can’t use Movable Type or anything, but regardless, Greymatter doesn’t support categories. What that means is that I “categorize” my articles by the contents of the title: “Reviews” articles start with “Review: “ and “What If” articles start with “What If?”

What that further means is that I’ve exploited the search feature of Greymatter to search for articles that contain that text, so if you get improper results from the new links, that’s probably why.

If they don’t work, let me know; I only tested this thing in IE6 because, well, that’s what I use and I didn’t want to install Netscape. I used to have Netscape AND IE6 on the same box, but that machine crashed a while ago, so… yeah.

Pizza delivery may not be lucrative, but it’s one of the ten best jobs available. If you think there’s something out there that nobody’s done, you’re wrong. “More” is not necessarily “better.” The drapes don’t always have to match the carpet. Any innocent sentence can be twisted into sexual innuendo. They teach more than they let on in Catholic all-girls schools. My medical insurance doesn’t cover the right kind of sponge baths. Some women actually do like sex. “Sexual Healing” is a legitimate thing. The boobs are always bigger on the other side of the fence (or something like that). Anybody can make a web site - anybody. Regardless of what you’re into, there’s always someone into something weirder. If variety is the spice of life, the Internet is very spicy. Skin stretches. I don’t have enough drive space. The guy who invented the pop-up advertisement needs to be shot. Be proud of what you look like - cosmetic surgery doesn’t always improve things.

I am holding in my hot little hands two (2) tickets to American Idol - Live! I’ll be sitting in the company box in the Rose Garden on November 19 watching the top ten finalists. Stoked.