This Thanksgiving we were given a little something extra to be thankful
for when my daughter, Phoenix Aeralynn Illig, was born. At the time
of birth she weighed 6lb 14oz and was 20.5” long.
Birth was by Caesarian
section.
Mom and baby are both fine, though mom’s going through a bit of recovery
from the C-section incisions.
I have learned a lot already, just five days into being a father.
Granted, my experiences are not the same as everyone else’s, but my
personal findings so far:
First, the baby doesn’t arrive like it does in the movies. Which is
to say, there’s not a huge panicking “holy crap my water broke” moment,
nor is there really the mad scramble to find the bag for the hospital
and all that. I woke up around 4:30a on Thanksgiving with Jenn tapping
me on the shoulder saying it was time to go to the hospital, but
basically it was pretty calm. I think it took us like an hour to get our
stuff together and get to the hospital, and it was still no real “rush.”
I’m OK with that; we learned a similar thing at our wedding, which also
wasn’t the “everything is falling apart” panic you see on TV.
Second, babies sleep a lot. People complain about these horrendous
sleepless nights, and while, sure, I’ve lost a little sleep, it’s not
like I’m up every 15 minutes or something.
Third, the signs for what the baby wants are generally pretty
obvious. Baby makes sucking/eating motions and then starts crying:
hungry. Baby crying for no reason suddenly: change diaper. Um… really
that’s it. Otherwise she’s a pretty happy baby. For us, “why is the baby
crying?” generally amounts to “hungry.” If she’s tired, she just goes to
sleep, so there’s no real “crying because I’m tired” thing going on.
There are a ton of follow-up doctor appointments. Check the baby,
check the C-section, check the lactation progress, check the baby
again… I’m not busy because of the baby’s needs, I’m busy because of
all the damn appointments you have to go to.
Having a C-section pretty much destroys you. Jenn, a total trooper,
is pretty well laid up and on pain meds because the C-section still
hurts (not the incision, but something “up in there”). That means,
basically, that I went into the hospital with a wife and came out with
two babies. I have a pedometer I carry around and I’ve well exceeded the
target number of steps for the last week running around and being a
single mom for two kids. Basically.
The cats don’t care about the kid. I thought they’d freak out when
she cried or whatever, but they really don’t care. One cat in
particular, Stan, seems to be really concerned if she cries and checks
up on her through the day. We’ve taken to calling Phoenix “Stan’s baby”
because of this.
(Yes, we’re very careful with the cats around the baby. If they come
near, they are under direct and constant supervision. Fear not.)
Communication is harder to maintain than the people not having the
baby think. This is actually what keeps me busy the most. Not the
baby, not the running around, but the communication.
During the birth I was in a sterile operating environment so I couldn’t
get to my phone. Of course, it was going off with text messages the
whole time (phone on vibrate), people wanting to know what was going on.
When I got kicked out (they didn’t let me stay for the C-section because
Jenn went under general anesthesia) I was in this sterile room in the
center of the hospital with what equates to about half a bar of signal.
Sending messages just didn’t work. And, of course, because I couldn’t
instantly return messages (or the messages I was returning were getting
hung up in the network) people assumed the worst and sent more
messages.
Just after the baby was born and for the next couple days, Jenn’s phone,
my phone, the home phone, emails, IMs, Facebook messages, etc., went off
non-stop like a central switchboard. People “just checking in,” offering
support, curious how things are, asking for pictures, etc. Problem
being, we hadn’t actually been released yet because of Jenn’s C-section,
which meant me trying to single-handedly address all the incoming
requests for information, PR style. Why aren’t there pictures? Because
they’re all on the camera and I don’t have a computer at the hospital to
get them off the camera, sorry.
The thing is, I don’t think folks realize that “just one text message”
isn’t so bad, but if there are like 30 people all sending “just one
message” and freaking out or sending more messages when the first one
wasn’t acknowledged quickly, it becomes a tidal wave of messages.
It’s become more manageable now, but we still get a pretty constant
influx of people curious “what’s up” or how things are going. I love,
thank, and appreciate all of the requests, truly. I feel blessed that we
have so many wonderful friends and family members. You never really do
know how many people care about you until big life events like this, and
it definitely makes you thankful when that time comes. It’s just… if
I can’t get right back to you, or if you don’t hear anything
immediately, please don’t instantly assume the worst and send another
ping. I’m just one guy, and there are just 24 hours in the day, and I’m
kinda still getting the hang of all this. I’m probably out running
around to the bajillion follow-up appointments (see above). If there’s
something to know, or if there’s something I need, I promise to make it
known. If there’s something cute to see, I will post a picture somewhere
you can see it. And, again, thank you kindly for all the generosity.
Plus, if you really want to help, I have laundry, dusting, vacuuming,
and all the usual house chores that aren’t baby related still to
do… I can hook you up with all that since it’s the bulk of the work.
:)
Finally, having a baby is totally surreal. I don’t think the whole
“being a dad” thing has hit me. I mean, I still sit and eat dinner with
Jenn and say, “Dude, we’re married. That is so weird.” Not that I
think being married is weird, just that I’m a part of that, and looking
in at myself as part of that is still more a TV/movie type of experience
than something that happens to real people in real life. Looking at this
now six-day-old baby and thinking, “This little being is a part of me
and a part of Jenn… and someday she’ll be an adult, too, and pursue
her own course,” it’s just… really surreal. It’s hard for me to wrap
my mind around. It’s going to take some time to “click.”
Anyway, that’s what I’ve learned so far. Like I said, YMMV since my
experiences are my own.
If you want to see more pictures, I posted a full
gallery.
From 2010 Birth of Phoenix Aeralynn Illig