No, not the mayonnaise. I’m talking about actual food - like, the best foods out there.

I’m a simple person when it comes to food. I’m not big on most of the “gourmet,” over-spiced stuff. If I want a burger, I want someone to chuck some ground beef on the grill and call it a day; if it takes you longer to season the beef and make the patty than it does to cook it, you’re overdoing it.

It occurred to me the other day that Big Kat might be one of the top 10 candy bars of all time. I’m a big fan of the regular Kit Kat, but super-sizing the thing is brilliance. Now if they’d only sell a super-sized full Kit Kat (rather than just one Kit Kat stick). I may go to the store after work and get a bunch of Big Kats just to put them together into one big Kit Kat.

With that thought in mind, I started thinking about what my favorite foods are. Like, is there any food that I would be really sad if someone said I could never eat it again? Here’s what I’ve come up with so far.

Shrimp. I love shrimp. Not trying to sound like Private Benjamin Buford “Bubba” Blue, I love pretty much anything with shrimp in it. My favorite has to be the coconut shrimp, though. Very tasty.

Cheesecake. Plain or flavored, doesn’t matter. Any kind of cheesecake. More is better. I am partial to strawberries, so if you have some, throw ‘em on.

Bread, particularly sourdough. I can eat a loaf of sourdough bread just by itself as a meal. Nothing on it, just the bread. I’m also partial to King’s Hawaiian.

Cheetos. Oh, yeah. The crunchy ones are better than the puffy ones.

Hawaiian Punch. Way better than any old Kool-Aid.

Pizza. I’m a meat-lover’s fan, but I’d go with your standard pepperoni or Hawaiian style any day. Hawaiian on white sauce is my latest favorite.

Frappuccino. Venti mocha Frappuccino == ambrosia.

Tapioca pudding. Lots of folks don’t like this because of the texture, but I think that’s one of the primary reasons I do like it. I can sit down with a giant tub of this and finish it before you blink.

I’m sure there are others, but those are what I’m thinking of right now. What did I miss?